In many, if not most, scenarios in which violence may be an outcome, de-escalation of the encounter is the easiest and most effective way of eliminating the threat.

Every situation is different, but there are many commonalities in what to look for, what to be ready for, and what to do.

What to Look For

A person who may become violent may display these characteristics (with the acronym STAMP):

Staring: Prolonged glaring
Tone and Volume of Voice: Sarcasm, rudeness
Anxiety: Wringing hands or jittery
Mumbling: Talking low, repetition, slurring
Pacing: Walking around or back-and-forth

A person who begins yelling or invading your personal space may already be too dangerous to de-escalate. A person making overt threats is already using violence, as is a person who spits at you, or makes gestures as if to slap or punch.

Active Listening

You want to be active and ready for a fight, but at the stage when you can de-escalate the situation, you must do some things that seem counter-productive.

First, be ready:

Stand angled away, so that one shoulder is more towards the person than the other. This is both an effective defensive stance, and also seems less confrontational.
Show your palms (empty)
Give them space: out of kicking distance

For more on the Inoffensive Ready Stance, see my article on Open Hand Striking

Then, do the difficult thing and sympathize:

Use an even tone of voice to ask them questions
Relax your facial muscles and breathe while listening
Validate their feelings

If they continue to escalate, but they seem to also listen, then you can try limit-setting:

"You said you feel x..."
"I need you to y..."
"So if you won't do y, I'm going to have to z...
"I can give you a minute to think about that if you want

The above advice is from "De-escalation Skills for Healthcare" from the Provincial (BC, Canada) Violence Prevention Curriculum. It is taught to security officers in the hospitals here.

Confidence Without Threat

Whether you're walking in the street and unaware of the predator, or if you're directly being insulted by a drunk, it is important to stand erect and move with confidence.

Balance in motion is a sure sign that a person is not a victim and any problem will not be solved with violence. A confident walk also telegraphs a mental control and indirectly signals intelligence. In other words, you seem to be a powerful person, and it is harder to attack a dominant person.

Be careful not to swagger or accidentally signal overconfidence, or you may be seen as someone who needs a "lesson in humility". Some people want to attack those who seem to be above them to exert their superiority... but they'll only try it if they think they can do it quickly and cleanly. In other words, they have to see that you're pretending to be strong and confident.

And when directly confronted, your confidence will show through your calmness, not through yelling louder or being more offensive.

If the Fight Is ON

Don't believe that a person who has escalated to the point of physical attack will be capable of calming down again. Even the best submission hold may make them stop fighting, but they will come at you again if given the opportunity.

Calling the police for any attack is the correct response, because those who use violence should be dealt with by the authorities. That's their primary function, and the best way to protect yourself in the immediate moment and in case of later retaliation.

It shouldn't come to that if you de-escalate the situation well.

Intelligent Fighting

Our beginner program for scientific self-defence Fight Like Sherlock Holmes starts this week. Choose the Monday (8pm-10pm), Wednesday (8pm-10pm), or Saturday (2pm-4pm) section. Sign up through Academie Duello at 604-568-9907 or AcademieDuello.com

Head of Stage Combat at Academie Duello and certified Instructor with Fight Directors Canada. Head of Bartitsu at Academie Duello, the longest continuously running Bartitsu program in the world.
Read more from David McCormick.